May God give you
His peace!
A few days ago,
Sr. April Marie and I returned to Cleveland after spending a week helping with
a Totus Tuus (“Totally Yours,” from St. JPII) camp in South Dakota. This camp
was a vocational camp for middle school girls, but also included high school
girl leaders. The camp was hosted by the Diocese of Rapid City at their Terra
Sancta retreat center (http://terrasancta.org). There were 25 religious sisters from
about 13 different communities (including Sr. April and myself) helping with
this camp. Talk about funsies with nunsies!
The theme for
this camp came from 1 John 4:18: Perfect love casts out all fear. This verse
just happened to be the verse given to me by my spiritual director during Lent.
Right before the Lenten season began I was struggling with a deeply rooted fear
about my upcoming religious profession of vows. Basically, I was afraid that
Jesus was not pleased with me. I experienced tremendous healing during that
time as I realized that I have to let perfect Love cast out whatever fear was
preventing me from going forward. I owe a lot to the loving support of my
sisters and to the gentle encouragement my spiritual director has given me. From
all this awareness, I learned that I cannot do anything on my own (John 5:30)
and that I have to let God love me!
Anyways, after
learning that the theme was 1 John 4:18, I felt that God was challenging me to
live out all that I learned during Lent and to share this with others. Each
volunteering community was also given an activity or talk to lead during the
camp. For us, we were asked to give a talk/activity for the high school leaders
about spiritual mothers as leaders, and we were also asked to lead 3 rounds of
a talk/activity for the middle school campers about the life of St. Philomena
and overcoming the fear of being unlovable.
Very briefly,
St. Philomena was an early Church martyr. She was the age of most of the middle
school girls at this Totus Tuus camp when she was killed for refusing to marry
the Roman Emperor Diocletian. Her refusal came from the fact that she was consecrated
to God. Her story is unique in that she was tortured and miraculously healed
multiple times before she finally died. Her testimony won many converts to
Christianity. How was she able to withstand the horror she endured? My theory
is that she knew and believed that she was loved by God and she was able to
love Him in return to the end. This is something we are all called to today!
When I asked each group at the Totus Tuus Camp, “Who here struggles with the fear of being unloved/unlovable?” almost every hand (including those of the sisters) went up. The Holy Spirit prompted me to talk about being rooted in an authentic relationship with God. Just like any relationship, they take work! We make time to be with our family and friends, we reach out to our loved ones, and we listen to them when they want to share something personal. How much more is this with God! We are challenged to make time to get to know Him (prayer), to vulnerably share our hearts with Him, and to LISTEN to Him!
When I asked each group at the Totus Tuus Camp, “Who here struggles with the fear of being unloved/unlovable?” almost every hand (including those of the sisters) went up. The Holy Spirit prompted me to talk about being rooted in an authentic relationship with God. Just like any relationship, they take work! We make time to be with our family and friends, we reach out to our loved ones, and we listen to them when they want to share something personal. How much more is this with God! We are challenged to make time to get to know Him (prayer), to vulnerably share our hearts with Him, and to LISTEN to Him!
All of us at
some point have been hurt by others, but so often this gets projected on God. God
is love (1 John 4:8) and He is always wanting to give Himself completely to
us…but He also doesn’t force Himself on anyone––that wouldn’t be love! The
ball is in our court, so to speak, to receive
the total gift of Himself. By receiving His love, we are then challenged to
reciprocate (remember, this is a relationship!) by making a gift of our very
selves. This is often where the fear of being unloved/unlovable creeps in.
“What will
happen to me if I give myself to Him…?” “How can God love me if I…?” The Enemy
does not want us to be in a relationship with God, so he does everything he can
to make us believe the lie that we are unloved/unlovable. We become captives of
this fear when we believe the lies of the Enemy.
The interesting thing
about overcoming this particular fear is that we have to let ourselves be loved
by Love Himself! In this way, Perfect Love literally casts out all fear! I can
say that this is true because this is something I have experienced myself. May
God help you to let yourself be truly loved so that He can cast out all of your
fears!
Please pray for
me and be assured of my prayers for you!
Love always from
your Sister,
Sr. Katie