VJE
“The Lord will fight for you; you
have only to keep still.” Exodus 14:14
Praised be
Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, now and forever. Amen. These past few weeks
have been quite a rollercoaster. On August 14, Sr. April Marie Josefina (we
received permission to add a saint name to our baptismal name) and I made our
first profession of vows. It was a beautiful evening where I truly felt the
love and prayers of the family God has given me. I am still adjusting to the
black veil, the added name, and all the new adventures!
You are
probably familiar with the saying, “When you make plans, God laughs.” This is
still very true in religious life. Two other Sisters and me had plans of being
in our new location in Jacksonville, FL this past weekend…but Hurricane Irma
decided to go to FL first. Long story short, we are in a waiting period. I have
and am learning a lot in the waiting.
First, in
all honesty, I am struggling in the waiting! Not having a specific, consistent
apostolate and with every day being so different, I have felt all over the
place. Yet, deep down, I know that this is where God wants me––in the
struggle. In the midst of this, Jesus’ Sacred Heart also keeps coming up in
prayer. Ironically, the parish and school where we are going to in FL is named
after the Sacred Heart. Instead of avoiding this struggle, I have been bringing
it up in prayer and questioning why His Heart keeps coming up.
Honest
dialogue in prayer is something I have come to grow in. I tell God FROM my
thoughts, feelings, and desires, and not just about them, as if they were
separate from me. Having a background in counseling is helpful with identifying
some of these things, but to enter into what is usually painful, takes a lot of
courage. Thankfully we are not expected to do this alone! This is where we have
to let God into our innermost being.
In prayer,
then, I am being challenged to go deeper…in the waiting. This has been coming
up for a while, and I figured that once I professed vows, that would be it! Not
so much. Yes, professing vows was a huge step, but now He wants more. This
desire of Jesus was confirmed by my spiritual director when he also challenged
me to go deeper and to be immersed in the Trinity. Not long after that intense
challenge, I reread an article that I really like and something really pierced
me:
…God wants to enter and possess and
abide within the core of our humanity. When we fall in love with the Crucified
we receive what all lovers receive: the deepest reality of the beloved, the heart.
The heart of Christ, astoundingly, is also shared with those who would rest
against it. This heart is communication with the Father, and this communication
is the Holy Spirit, and so in allowing Christ to see us, to behold us, to love
us, we receive the Holy Trinity.
(article
link: http://priestlyformation.org/site_files/PDFs/Faculty%20Articles/Deacon%20Keating/Keating-Falling-in-Love-and-Staying-in-Love.pdf )
To
receive Jesus’ Heart, to be immersed in the Trinity, means that I must allow
Jesus to SEE me, to BEHOLD me, to LOVE me…especially in the waiting. It is
really only in letting Him truly love me that I am able to truly love others.
Everything I “do” must and should flow from this constant communion of Heart
speaking/listening to heart.
I
will now close with some words of wisdom from my favorite saint, St Francis of
Assisi:
“Hold
back nothing of yourselves for yourselves, that He Who gives Himself totally to
you may receive you totally!”
Please
pray for me and my Sisters in this time of waiting! Know that I am praying for
you too.
-Sr.
K.M.Chiara, HMSS
